exit note.

I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.
— Carl Gustav Jung
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So that was unexpected.


I went into The Voice 2019 with cautious optimism. Having been through the reality tv machine before, and having come out the other side - I was hesitant to dive into that world again. I’d worked so hard over the last 8 years to prove myself worthy as a musician, to become a legitimate artist and distance myself from the label of ‘reality tv star’. I was worried if I went ahead with The Voice, it would send me back to that label. That perhaps people wouldn’t see my art as legitimate, or believe my authenticity.

Whilst previous shows that shall not be named seemed to treat people like disposable, with endless amounts of energy to be a circus of performing monkeys - The Voice has been nothing but supportive, with genuine respect and well wishes for every artist that comes their way. Sure, they push you out of your comfort zone. Nerves are high, days are long and everything can be a little overwhelming. But the crew are so beautiful and will give you pep talks any time you show a hint of nervousness. I’m so happy with the way I came across to Australia. I was true to myself as a person, and I stayed true to myself as an artist.

Walking into the rehearsal room for the knockouts, I didn’t know what to expect. Being up against Voli was scary enough - the soul he puts into his performances is incredible. Then I saw Diana walk in and I knew right away that vocally I didn’t stand a chance - so I had to do what I do best - and tell a story.

I knew the decision of whether I was going to progress on the show was out of my hands, and there was nothing I could do to change it, so I may as well perform as amazingly as I possibly could. I look at my music career and think, if I leave my heart on the stage every time, and I’m competing against my last performance - I’m doing okay.
Comparing Diana, Voli and I was like comparing water, to fire, to air. All are beautiful, powerful and forces to be reckoned with - it just depends on the one you prefer.

I feel like I did myself justice with my performance, and whilst my time on The Voice is over, the time for my music is now - and I can feel the energy in the universe just waiting to land. I am so incredibly grateful to have had this experience - and the outpour of support has been nothing short of amazing.

So what next?

I’ll keep hustling, working on my craft. Keep an eye out, I’m sure to play a show near you soon. And there’s always more releases on the horizon. I have some super exciting things in the works, and like usual, can’t reveal too much about them - but the second I can fill you in I promise I will!

If you’ve read this far, thank you. Thank you for seeing the real me, and for the support you consistently send. Thank you for every like, every share, comment, stream or nice thing you tell your friends about me. Creative careers are not an easy feat to achieve, but with you behind me - I think I can get there.

Catch ya at a gig some time!
Vendulka x

Inner reflections, outer perceptions.

Today I asked my heart what she needed. It's a rare moment between her and I.
I leaned down and whisper-asked her if maybe she needed another heart near hers? One to keep her warm you see. 
That perhaps she wanted to hear some music? 
She shook her head.
"I do like those things, but nothing else in the world would bring me more joy than a mirror." She said. "A mirror?" I asked, perplexed. "What for?"

" I want to see how beautiful I am."

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As humans, we are on a constant search for validation. We look for it from strangers on the street, strangers on the internet, those we love and from those who love us. We scroll and surf the time away hoping that someone will double tap on our new hairdo, or on the photos of our holiday where we spent more time worrying about the photos we can put on our social media to show everyone back home how good of a time we had than actually being present in the moment; when really 30 seconds prior some drunk guy took a leak on that white Santorini wall (it's okay - a filter hid it really well!). 
We swipe away real life experiences with a handful of real people in order to create this security blanket online, knitted together with however many comments, likes and shares we've gotten from people we've never met.

As a 12 year old I was so ridiculously excited to attend my first ever concert (Her name is Kina Grannis- check out her music here) that I borrowed my friend's video camera. You know, the type with the little flip out screen that recorded onto a tiny dvd. I spent the first 5 minutes of this concert figuring out how to get this thing rolling, then the next 10 figuring out the best angle to film it from. The next 30 minutes of the concert I realised that I had to focus on where I was pointing the camera, or I'd cut the singer's head out of the frame. The minutes chipped away and by the time I'd perfected my shot, the concert was over. I had the realisation that in my attempt to record this moment for the future, I'd lost the experience of the present. For what? To show my friends back home a shitty low quality recording of a concert they didn't go to?

Truth be told I never pulled up that footage. I never watched it, never showed it to anyone or frankly even know where it is anymore.
Had I filmed that today, maybe I would've shared it to facebook, or posted it on my Insta story. Again - for what?
Validation that I made a good choice in going to this concert?
Validation that the life I'm living is worthy of envy?
Validation that the life I'm living is worthy?


Validation that I am worthy?


You may think that it sounds ridiculous when I put it like that - and it is! Our worth cannot be reduced to how many people around us like the lives we live. In fact there is no value in that. Our food doesn't suddenly taste better because 635 people liked it on Instagram. Our relationships with those around us cannot be determined by how many 'friends' we have on Facebook. Our worth in love isn't determined by how many people we match with on tinder. 

Our worth can only be solidified by turning the mirror inwards and seeing  the beauty of our own hearts. 

 

A river does not stop for a stone.

Not a single drop of my self worth is defined by your perception or acceptance of me. My body is a temple and I am its only priestess.
— Vendulka
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As women we are shaped from the minute we leave our mothers womb into believing that we exist for other's pleasure. As baby girls, we are told how beautiful we are. Boys are told how powerful they can be. Our parents are tricked into thinking that we must be defined as pink or blue with specific roles related to each. Dolls, cars, kitchen sets and superheroes all supposedly fall into either side of the spectrum. 

We are told that "boys will be boys" when they touch us in ways we don't like on the playground. We are told that we're bossy if we take leadership. We are tall poppies cut down before we even have a chance to grow.

We are pushed, prodded and moulded into being society's concept of a "cool girl" who takes no issue with anything that makes her feel lesser as a person, made to laugh off situations that make her uncomfortable.

This archetypal concept of women and what we are and what we are allowed to be is not harmonious with the path that we are meant to take. A tree will grow toward the light, and so should we. The fire in our bellies tells us we should be bold, challenge ideas, own our bodies and be proud of them. To take our sexuality by the reins and to not be apologetic for it. To be all that we can and want to be. We are not delicate china figurines to be placed on a decorative shelf. 

Something I'm sure you've heard of by now is the #metoo campaign. For those of you who may be unaware- it's a social media hashtag circulating where women have been sharing their stories of sexual harassment, or worse, assault.
The thing is, I don't know one single woman who hasn't experienced the above.
Not.
One.
The severity and frequency vary but every woman on this planet has an ever growing list of stories that send anger to my bones and shivers down my spine. 

Victim blaming is something that can be traced back to an age where we were still learning the alphabet -  
"Did you say something to stir him up?"
"You do look really pretty today"
"That skirt is a little short"
"He's only mean to you because he likes you"
This comes back to the toxic idea that boys will be boys, and girls must have been distracting them. It comes back to the idea that we exist to be looked at, to serve our male counterparts.

If we are to connect to our true life's purpose, and to achieve higher consciousness - society as a whole needs to start supporting girls on their journey to becoming strong women. 

So here's a shoutout to women. To our daughters, our sisters, mothers, grandmothers and those who have paved the path before us - Thank you. Our ability to keep growing after we are cut is not overlooked. 

To men who support us. Who water us and move us into the light - we appreciate you. We need you. 

We are rivers, continuously moving, ever changing in our ebbs and flows- and we will not stop for stones. 

 

 

Every day is a day in paradise - treat it like one.

"The mountains whispered my name.
Over and over till I could not resist.
So I walked,
I ran,
I jumped and climbed.
When I thought I couldn't take another step I focused-
And my feet carried me.
For if the mountains call-
And you do not run to them,
Why are you even alive?"
-Vendulka

 

I get angry when people tell me they can't do things. Can't and won't are two different things and a lot of the time we confuse them. Different people don't have the same priorities - and that's okay. But don't tell me you can't move to another country because you don't have money while you check Instagram on the latest Iphone. Don't tell me you can't chase your passions because you "aren't good enough". You just aren't dedicated enough. Don't tell me you don't have the time to climb mountains whilst you plan another night out with your mates where you get so fucked up that you can't function the next day.

Sit down and dedicate the hours and commit to honing your craft. Find the things that set your soul on fire and strive to achieve them. Always look to better yourself, offer everything you have and then some. 
Commit. Plan your next move and follow through.

I may have only lived 19 years on this earth but something I've become frustrated with in my time here is people who settle. In jobs, in relationships, in places. You shouldn't settle for a job you hate because it pays the bills. Everyone starts somewhere, and there has to be food on the table but work toward a goal. If working toward that goal means working a shitty job - by all means do what you have to. Just don't get stuck for the next 5, 10, 20 years doing the same thing.

Don't settle for someone because they're nice enough, cute enough and they have a decent enough job. People aren't computers that need to function in certain ways. You can tick all the boxes and still not have chemistry. We are lovers, creators and artists. Find someone who pushes you, challenges you and brings you a higher love within yourself. Someone who doesn't want to change fundamentally who you are - but is willing to call you out on your bullshit. Someone who sees your strengths, weaknesses and everything in between and says "You're an adventure I want to take."
If you have a spark with someone, light the fire and see where it takes you. Some fires burn short, some burn forever. You can't expect to experience true connection if you only offer a section of your soul. It's terrifying but it's human and it's real.

Some days I feel like I may have already lived 5 lifetimes - but if we are only given one, should we not want to experience everything in its fullest potential? In all its glory?

Love. Love first, love always. Love until your heart breaks, heals and breaks again. Everything we do is to feel something - so don't deny yourself the opportunity by settling for someone or something that doesn't offer more or match what you can give in return. 

Love first, ask questions later.